Foreign by Definition

Name: Nicholas Kevin Halim
IG Handle: nicholasnivek

I’ve worn red and white before I even knew what “Chindo” meant. 

I’ve known “Indonesia Raya” by heart before I’ve started being called “China!” to my face. 

My ancestors did come from China, but I never once felt identified with that fact. 

I went to a concert of Anggun the other day. 

She spoke perfect Bahasa, with an accent of Javanese, she spoke so politely and radiated the warmth so often associated with being Indonesian. She is French by citizenship. But I can’t think of someone else embodying the Indonesian values and mores more than her. So is she not Indonesian because her passport is not green anymore? She is foreign by definition, but it begs the question “Who is worthy of being called Indonesian?”, really?

One of the clips during her concert showed her saying in the middle of an acceptance speech, “Indonesia never ever left me, or my heart”. To me, that is almost as if she needed to defend her identity. Is she not Indonesian?

I volunteered for the Asian Games in 2018. Me and my fellow colleagues went to the opening ceremony. And just after Tulus belted the last note of “Indonesia Raya” I sobbed and wept. Am I not good enough as an Indonesian just because my eyes squint, my skin is fairer, and my great-great-grandfater was born oceans apart?